


Make It Quick

by tardistype221b (TardisType221b)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU From 10x09, Angst, M/M, Mark of Cain, Season 10 Episode 9, Suicidal Dean, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 00:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2753186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisType221b/pseuds/tardistype221b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean knew that it was time for him to die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make It Quick

**Author's Note:**

> What happens after 10x09 ends

It was time. Dean knew that once Sam had cured him with the ritual of purified blood he was living on borrowed time. He knew that it wouldn't be too long before he snapped. It had finally happened. The mark had been affecting him more every day. When he shot that shifter in New Canaan, and  when him and Sam were working that job with Jody, he lied and said  he  was fine. He tried to believe that  shooting that shifter so many times wasn't overkill, that the mark didn't burn as he was killing the vampires, but it wasn't true, no matter how much he wanted it to be.

Now, it was too late. He was left to fight for his life with those loan sharks, but when did defending himself mean a blood bath? When did defending himself mean killing everyone in the room? It didn't. It didn't mean that, which is why he knew that he had gone too far, why it was time for someone to take him out, he would do it to himself, but he was afraid that if he did then  Cas  and Sam  would try to save him, and that's the last thing he wanted.

Cas  and Sam wouldn't even look at him the whole drive back to Lebanon after what he had done. Sam refused to let him drive bundling him into the passenger seat and Dean stared out the window the whole time, not wanting to bear the looks he could feel boring into him. When they reached the bunker Dean immediately split from the group, trying to settle Claire in  and went into his own room.  He was alone now.

He showered, scrubbing the blood off of his skin and out of his hair. His skin was red and raw by the time he was done, especially his hands, but no matter how much he scrubbed  he knew that they  could never be clean. Next was his clothes. He had changed into one of his favorite AC/DC shirts and a loose pair of jeans. He took his torn and bloodied clothes and jacket to the laundry room. It was nothing fancy, no nice washing machines in the 1950's, but there was a washboard which he knew how to use. There were times when laundromats were scarce and clothes were running out. Dad had taught him, necessary survival skills. He spent an hour using that board and stain remover spray to get the blood out his clothes, they at least deserved to be clean. His hands on the other hand...now the skin was cracking and peeling from the exposure to the chemicals and soap.

He left his clothes  to soak to remove the last of the stains and went back to his room only to find  Cas  there. His heart jumped, his stomach feeling as if it had fallen to his shoes. He knew that it would happen soon, but he didn't think that  Cas  would be ready so soon. After all those things he said...about looking up to him? Not that he was a good role model but  Cas  wasn't often a good judge on those sorts of things.  Well at least  Cas  had finally come to his senses, he thought that he'd have to beg.

"Dean."  Cas  said walking over to where Dean was standing in the doorway.  "Where have you been? I have been looking for you."

"Sorry." Was Dean's immediate response. "I was...cleaning."

"Oh."  Cas  said. "Your hands!" He  exclaimed, taking them in his own. "What have you done to them? Here l et me-" Dean could see the light that was about to escape from  Cas  and he yanked his hands away.

"No!" He shouted, trying to stop him.  Cas  looked up at him startled.

"Dean, what's wrong?" He asked.

"I don't want you to waste your grace on me like that  Cas ." Dean replied.  Cas  was living on borrowed time too, but at least he didn't kill a room full of people for no reason, he wasn't a monster. He was one of the most humble people Dean  knew.  Cas  had even refused to kill  Metatron , even though it would help him  survive.

"It's not a waste Dean."  Cas  replied and reached out for Dean's hands once more but Dean stepped back, shying away from him.

"Just don't  Cas . Please, I just-"  _ Wish I had more time. _  Dean thought. He wanted to say so much, but he knew that he didn't deserve it, knew that  Cas  and Sam, especially Sam, didn't want to hear anything he had to say. He was a monster, he was beneath them, they were good people, and he was a taint  on them.

"Okay Dean."  Cas  said, standing back, relenting. Dean felt that he could breathe a little easier.

"Okay." Dean replied. "So how are we  gonna  do this?"

"Well."  Cas  replied. "I was thinking we could go to the library and research some binding sigils that could help keep you in control while we work on how to remove the mark?"  Cas  asked. Dean was confused.

"What?  Cas ? I thought I told you to take me out."

"I can't do that Dean."

"I did it  Cas ! Why can't you understand? I went dark side, you need to get rid of me...before I do worse."

"Dean, no."

"I could hurt you  Cas !" He went to his dresser and grabbed his knife, stalking towards  Cas  who was backing away slowly.  "Is that what you want? Is that the only way you can see? I'm evil  Cas ! This mark has taken me and warped me, I'm not me anymore!"

"Dean you can fight this!"  Cas  said. "You can take control!" Dean shook his head.

" Cas  you don't understand. Look at my arm." He extended his arm so that  Cas  could see the mark. "The mark isn't glowing  Cas , the mark doesn't have 'control' over me or whatever you  think. It's changed me  Cas . This is me now and I know that I'm not going to be able to go back to the man I used to be. I tried  Cas , but look what happened, I snapped. I've gone too far and this is how it's going to end." He turned the blade towards himself. "I should've done this weeks ago."

"Dean, stop, don't do this!"

"Then you do it  Cas , because I don't want you to save me. That's the last thing I want."

"Dean I-"  Cas  cut himself off and Dean could see tears welling in his eyes. "I will find a way to fix this Dean I swear it! Can you just wait? Please."

"No."  Dean said. "I can't. But it would be quicker for me if you did it."

"What do you mean?"  Cas  asked. 

"At least this way I don't have to die twice." Dean paused collecting himself to say what he was going to say next. "I'm going to turn into a demon again  Cas . When I die, the mark will bring me back. It's up to you to kill me before that happens, you need to smite me  Cas , smite me as I am, full blooded human. It's the only way I can truly die  Cas . The only way you can be free of me."

"Why would I want to be free of you Dean? You're my family. Sam and I, we would do anything for you not to have to do this. Please see some sense Dean. We could do something besides this, anything else!"

"What do you want to do? Chain me up? Lock me in our dungeon? You can't do that forever  Cas !"

"Then what do you want?"  Cas  yelled. "Because you dying...that-that isn't an option Dean. I don't know what I would do...and the thought that I would be the cause of your demise. My emotions, I feel all twisted up inside."

"That's guilt  Cas ." Dean said. "You'll get over it. Focus on other things, on the people that you can save, the people that you saved from me and then you'll realize what you did, it was for the best." Dean knelt on the floor in front of  Cas , dropping the knife by his side.

"I'm ready now." Dean said looking at the floor, staring at  Cas's  dress shoes , his body trembling. 

"Okay."  Cas  said after a long pause, but he hesitated. He was trembling too.

"Please make it quick." Dean said softly.

"Dean I'm sorry."  Cas  placed a hand on Dean's head and he slumped to the floor, unconscious. "I can't do what you' re asking." He picked him up off the ground, bolstering his strength with his grace, and headed toward the dungeon.  "We will figure out a way to save you. I promise."


End file.
